Run Forest Run

I signed up for Adidas Sundown Marathon for no reason and since then I have been jogging regulary at East Coast Park. I took 2hrs and 36mins to complete my first 21km marathon on 21st May and signed up for the Singapore Bay Run happening on 12th Sept'10. Before this year, I do jog occasionally but never jog for more than 10km let alone 21km. Ever since ths year, I started to enjoy jogging more the ever. Even though my knee starts to hurt every time I jog beyond 15km and had to take glucosamine daily, I don't think I will give up any time soon. Jogging is both physical and mental training. I like this exercise as it takes a lot of mind over body to complete the journey. A lot of will power and determination are required more than just physical stamina.

21km was a long, lonely and painful journey especially when the it was a night marathon. After 8km, I was having difficulty in controlling my breathing and by the time I reached 11km, I couldn't concentrate on what my mp3 was playing. By 16km, my knee was killing me and I had to slow down to almost walking. The last 5km was a torture, its seems to take forever to complete... The greatest achievement was when I crossed the finishing line and received the medal... all the pains were forgotten at that moment.....

2 months left to Singapore Bay Run, my target for this marathon is to complete below 2hr and 20mins. Wanted to signed up for Standard Chartered 42km Marathon but it was closed for registration by the time I decide between 21km and 42km.... Anyway I don't think I am ready for 42km at this time. Hopefully by next year I will take part in 42km in both Adidas and Standard Chartered Run. As for the Singapore Bay run, i guess this will be my first and last.

I am back

Its been more than 2 years since I visited my own blog.... Alot of things had happened in the past 2 years and many new plans lies ahead...
Wonder if anyone still checking out my blog once in a while.. if you are reading my blog, I am sorry for the lapse. Stay in tune for more updates coming up

Pain in the Ass

Got 2 days of MC today... haiz... feel so boring at home.. Always wanted to have a break like today but then now that I am away from working, I can't help thinking about work.....

Just called Ah Niu to meet up for lunch later but instead he want me to go over his place to pack his room, this lazy burger is finally clearing up his room after 10 over years. His room is the worst I have ever seen... clothes everywhere, ashtray on the bed, even poly notes still stuffed somewhere in the shelves.. Don't think I am in the condition to enter his dusty room today... So in the end we planned to meet up for lunch then go down to garage in AMK to service his car.

Known this guy for over 10yrs ... we were the best buddy in poly till now. Though at times we had our differences but the bond is still strong. Even our mums become good friends through us as we arrange them for mahjong session together. Ah Niu is 3 years older than me but I always treat him as my younger brother as I always had to ensure he revise his work and wake up on time. Even up to now, I still have to scold him at times when I see that he is going in the wrong direction of life... Just like now that he has ORD, I have to keep checking on him as he will be spending his time on mahjong than finding job. Even his resume is done by me...

Everytime I am at his place, his mum will nag at both of us for smoking, for drinking, for gambling, I was nagged by his mum for not spending time with his son when I was attached while he was single. Being his brother for so many years, I am used to his mum nagging already. Next month he is moving to Woodlands so finally willing to pack his stuff and throw away those junk... I can imagine the mess in his room now... He is so looking forward to moving to Woodlands as it would be easy for us to meet up for coffee and to pump petrol in JB. Hope it won't be a nightmare for me when his mum & my mum join force to nag at us.....

Fighter no more

So tired.....wonder am I sending punches to my sandbag or just giving my sandbag massage.

My best sparing buddy
Who does the gloves protect? The bag or me?
Enjoy the pain of raw fresh

....Give me one moment in time.....

Heard over the radio on a program about music composer, song writer and producer while driving home today. This reminds me of a piece of music I once wrote years ago.... really hope there will be a day I can play it again on the sax... How I missed those days in the band.... Everyday we would stay in the band room after lesson till late in the evening. A group of us having our own mini concert everyday...... I still remember my favourite piece was ' One moment in time'. Till today its still my favourite but doesn't have to chance to listen to it again. Guess it was really only one moment in time....

Fight against life, you will never win

Its been a long time since I seriously workout on my sandbag. By the time I removed my gloves, my knuckles were swollen & bleeding. Looks like its gonna take some time before I get my delicate skin seasoned again.

Looked at myself for a long time in the mirror in the shower..... I saw myself as a kid, saw myself as a teenager and now..... I realised that I have really changed alot over the years but did I become who I wished to be or did I blindly climb the coporate ladder without knowing where I am heading or what I actually want... This evening, I sat at my desk staring at the laptop for a long time, I felt very tired inside out.... My mind went blank....

No matter how powerful or smart a person is, he or she can never outsmart or fight against life. In some part of our lives, we lost what thought we will have forever & at some point of life, we found what we thought we had lost forever.... All these are far beyond our control even the most power man on earth has no control over..... Many times, I wish to give up everything & live a simple life somewhere where I don't have to be on guard against anyone.

I am who I am because of my own choice or because of circumstance? One thing I am very sure, I didn't become who I wanted to be when I grow up. I remember I told my dad that I wanted to be a musican, a saxophonist when I grow up. Even when my dad went bankrupt, I never give up my dream. I did everything I could to get in SP just to be in the band so that I could continue with my dream but eventually I had to give it up because I couldn't cope with my school work. Was that consider my own choice or was it circumstance that changed my dream?

1st JSPS Gathering

Yesterday we had our 1st JSPS gathering finally after 16years.. ok maybe not the first for some but at least the first for me.... Though its our first meeting after so many years but we are all able to click right away. Initially I expect we might not be able to find any topic or feel strange sitting together for dinner after so long but in the end there were so much to talk that I guess we were the loudest table in the restaurant.

After dinner, we move on to Farm Cafe to continue catching up on the past. Never run out of topics and jokes about the past. I really missed the good old days... too bad the original building we studied in had tore down... even our favourite hangout.. the ghost trees were not there anymore.... It seems that I was the only one who had drastic change in appearance over the years while others remain the same. Even my best friend fail to recognise me....

I've been arrowed to organise the next gathering in May.... Hope I am able to gether more JSPS members and a better event. So if there is any JSPS students graduated from 1991 class 6/3, please join us in the next gathering in May....

All dogs go to heaven

Many years back, J told me that she once run away from home with her dog, Chelsea, when her mum scolded Chelsea and threathened to get rid of her. She took her bag and left home with Chelsea. The entire family went looking for her but in vain. Actually she was just sitting at the void deck a block away from day to night. I really find her behavior adorable and admire her for her love towards Chelsea. Recently I heard of another person.. Mmm.. let's just call her Panda heehee... Panda ran away from home too with her dog, Miko. But at least its only for a walk and reutrned after she cooled down.

I have always wanted to keep a dog but never had the time to do so. My favorites are Husky & Retriever but both are too big to be kept in HDB. Wonder if I have to wait till I am retired before I can afford the time to own a dog. sigh... If i have a dog, I would bring her out every weekend to the beach or park, laze at home watching TV together or simple wander the street at night....

Too good to be true???

This afternoon, I received a letter from my manager.... its a promotion letter. 3 promotions in 3 1/2 years seems too good to be true but I don't seems to be excited or happy. Of course I welcome the pay increment but it doesn't seems to sound attractive to me anymore....

At times when I take a break and smoke at the roof top, I keep asking myself what am I working for..... There is no answer... Initially when I joined this company, its just for a living. Earning barely 2k a month then work became a way for me to escape from reality and become a self-challenge till now I don't even why I am working so hard. I don't even know where is the destination..... Just when I have decided to leave for another job, this promotion came and hold me back.... not really for the money but for the person who recommended me for promotion. If I were to leave at this time, it would reflect badly on his judgement....

Lost & Found

Its been a week since I got my first PDA phone, HTC Touch Dual. Other than no WIFI & rather soft speaker, basically I have no other complaint about the phone. Now I can even write my blog while on the move.

A few days ago, I found 2 of my primary school friends through Friendster. After losing contact for more than 16years, its really surprise to be able to come into contact again. I am really looking forward for the gathering.

Japan-ChiBa-Ichihara

Finally back to Singapore after 2 days in Japan. It was a tired but fruitful trip. Flew off from Singapore on Thursday night, reached Japan, Narita Airport at 7am in the morning. It was only 2deg C that morning and I was freezing like hell standing outside the airport smoking. My first impression of Japan... the air is so fresh and the streets are clean. From Narita Airport, I took another hour of train ride to Chiba then another train to Yawatajuku & finally a cab to company. By the time I reached, I was totally exhausted.....



Working in this company for 3 years plus, this was my first time visiting our plant in Japan. The only person I know in Japan is my ex SVP who was transfered back to Japan from Singapore recently. He is also the one who requested me to go all the way to Japan to do the presentation. Luckily the presentation went on very smoothly & received many positive feedback. I still remember when I did my first presentation in Singapore during the Technical Discussion Conference 2 years back, my ex SVP commented that the presentation was very short & not informative. My confidence was totally crushed that time......

Previously when my ex SVP was in Singapore, I never had the chance to really speak to him but this trip I get to spend a lot of time with him over lunch & dinner. He taught me alot about the culture & history in Japan & I also get to know more about him & his thinking over many things. We had dinner in this restuarant near the hotel I stayed that night. One thing special about this restuarant is that they have their own chicken farm therefore the chicken are much more fresh than the ones in supermarket. This is the first time I had chicken sashimi, meaning raw chicken. The texture of cooked & raw chicken are totally different. I guess alot depend on the freshness & also the skill of the chief. Breast meat & thigh meat is totally different in texture & liver is even weird. We spent about 4 hours in the restaurant eating, drinking & chatting. He even took the effort to prepare maps for me to visit Tokyo the next day but in the end, I gave up the idea of going after looking at the map of the Japan railway lines. Just JR railway alone, there are 35lines & some stations have more than 10 platforms.

The next day, I took a train to ChiBa & spent a few hours walking around alone. ChiBa is a prefecture much smaller than Tokyo with only 2 shopping malls. After having my lunch in a small resturant, I headed for the airport. That day was the highest temperature in the 2 days I spent in Japan. Although it was 12deg C but with the wind blowing, I was still feeling pretty cold.
After 7 hours of flight, I returned to Sinapore on Sunday morning.

Though the time spent in Japan was short but I really enjoyed the trip.

Clementi

Its been a few years since I last went to Clementi. This afternoon when I went to Clementi again, I noticed that so much had changed. Coffebean is not there anymore, alot of new shops appear.....
'Hua Hua' is still around but I wonder is it still the same owner.... Used to be very familiar with Clementi in the past but now feel like a stranger when I am there.

5 more days before flying to Japan for presentation, still not done with my material.... I have alot of new findings but still haven't figure out how to present the ideas & findings.....

Conclusion.. Stress......

Nihon e ikimasu

Another 10 days, I will be in Japan doing my presentation. Its less than 10degC in Japan now..... This is my first trip to Japan and I have to go alone.. sight.... Flying off on Thursday night, report to company at 10am on Friday for meeting follow by presentation after lunch, then meeting again on Saturday and on the flight back in the evening.... Is that also considered been to Japan??? Other than Hotel, Airport & company, I don't have the time to go anywhere.....

Year of Rat 'Huat Ah'

Finally its coming to the end of the long break. Mm.. I seems to look forward to returning to work. Mew fell sick yesterday and till now she is still having high fever. Guess I will have to take leave tomorrow to bring her to the clinic if she don't recover by then.

Since begining of last year, Mew had fever almost every month & it would last for a few days. I still remember sending her to hospital in the middle of the night a few times before. Guess I really need to spend more time taking care of her other than just working.

This morning, I spent a few hours washing & waxing my car. I should have listened to my friend's advise on the procedure for washing the number plate if I want to strike 4D. This evening's draw, all 4 numbers appeared in first prize but the sequence were wrong.....

Looked through the yellow ribbon website today hoping to apply for some volunteering work in prison but seems like not much position available. I have always been wanting to spend some time doing volunteering work in the prison but then I have been putting it on hold for a long time. Finally I decide to register today but only position available is teaching Art & Craft which I don't think I am up to it. Mm.... Maybe I should volunteer in SCORE ort SANA to follow up with ex-offenders.

Cross-Junction

Life is all about choice, it can be as small as deciding on what to wear, eat, drink ..... it can also be deciding on which school to study, what course to take...... follow by where to work, what to work.....

I have always been lucky at work, since my days in the air-force till now in this company.... I am always appreciated and recognised for my hard work. Especially now.... for a diploma holder to hold an engineer position in this company within less than 2 years was almost impossible but I did it. Being able to draw 4-5k a month, I can consider to be living quite a comfortable life but this just doesn't seem to be what I want. I used to dreamt of owning a business, maybe not a billionaire but at least a millionaire. I told myself in the past that I would never accept being an employer for the rest of my life... Recently I started hunting for job again, I don't know the reason for finding another job too. Basically none of the jobs I applied offer me higher salary than my current but still I applied without knowing why..... Maybe I can't find any job satisfaction nowadays...

A few days ago, my vendor whom happened to know that I am planning to leave offered me a job. He invested in a company 2 years back and now he is planning to expand this company. Frankly speaking, if it were to be service engineer or application engineer position, I would accept it without thinking as he has always been my idol. He was born poor but now a multi-millionaire, in his 30 years of business life, he almost went bankrupt a few times but still he managed to pick up time and time again. He wanted me to work in his company as a sales person. I have never had any sales experience in my life, since my first job, it has always been very technical. I remember when I was 13, I tried to do door-to-door selling of greeting cards and I end up selling not even one.....

No matter how good a company account department is, how good the production department is, how good the HR department is, it all depends on the company sales department to determine the compnay growth. I understand about this all along but never had the courage to take the first step to go into sales all this while. This is a step where there is no turning back if I were to take..... If I failed, I can never return to my current job or even find a job that match my current salary... but if I don't do it, I might regret in future..... Damn it.... I am really lost now........ Maybe I have been so comfortable that I lost the courage to make changes in life, just like a warrior who has lost the courage to pick up the sword and fight after living in peace and comfort for years.....

Nowhere

Recently as I browse through the job classified online, I noticed that there are alot of jobs out there which are suitable for me but what I am lacking is the 'paper'. I have to admit its very difficult for me to move on to non-executive position after where I am now. I have all the experience required but don't have the education level required.... Haiz......

What do I call my situation? I am somewhere between heaven & earth... Heaven & Earth?? Mm... sound so familiar..... Do I really have to go back to school at this age?? I don't think I can afford the time to do so though I really don't mind if I am sponsored.

In the first place why am I looking for a job? Am I not happy with the salary, the job scope or the environment?? I can't answer this too, maybe its because I can't find any sense of achievement anymore.... I still take pride in my job but the drive level is low nowadays....

Today I talked to one of my guys about finding the motivation to work other than just about bonus. I guess I could understand his thinking as I gone through that too. I felt that I worked very hard or at least equally hard as compared to other engineers but in the end I was not promoted. At that time, I felt very disappointed & was even unhappy with some of the engineers who were promoted but then I changed my perception, I told myself that people do recognise & appreciate my work but its impossible for everyone to be top so why should I be angry when others get it, at least I am not at the bottom? I started to find other motivation which keeps me going and I felt alot better. The situation didn't change, the environment didn't change, what changed was my thinking which changed my mood. I guess most of the time, we are very much affected by our perception than by the truth.....

Starting fresh

This afternoon as I was resting in the office, I started to think of the days when I was an engineering assistant... How time files... Its been 3 years since I first stepped into this company.. from a nobody to somebody... at least it shows that hard work do pay off. I wonder if I have the strength to do it all over again if I were to start off fresh again somewhere....

I just sent out an application for the post of senior equipment engineer but wasn't really comfortable with it. So many 'what if' in my head.... Am I really up to the job? What if I find that I am not suitable, there will be no turning back.... I can't get back my current job for sure.... I am not sure if I am doing the right thing or not... anyway just wait to see if there is any reply before worrying. Maybe I might not even get a reply for an interview.

Come to think of it, I should have applied for engineer instead of senior engineer... at least not that stress.... oh shit... I applied for senior engineer but I only indicate 3k for my basic... haiz... so stupid.... hope they will offer me a higher pay for that post.....

Welcome 2008

After getting 2 day of rest, I am back to work again. What to look forward to in 2008? Better job opportunity, promotion and better pay. Hope I can see 5k or above in my payslip after this year annual increment heehee....

The bonus has been split into 3 part... sian.... got my first part in Aug, then second part in Dec and third part coming in Feb. Why can't they just give me all together.... By splitting up the bonus, I spent it without knowing. If I see 10 over thousand coming in together, then I will defintely save a portion of it...... but now only can depend on the Feb bonus to save up some....

OMG... road tax and insurance due by end of this month.. there goes my last part of bonus....

Family Secret

Today is grandma's 2nd 7th day death anniversay, we went o the temple early in the morning to make our prayer and offerings. On the tablet, I saw grandpa's name, grandma's name & another name which I have never heard of. My brother told me that actually we have an uncle whom passed away when he was about 3 years old. He was the third child in the family. When he passed away, grandma burnt away all his photo and threw away everything related to him. Of all the siblings, only dad and my first aunt knew his existance but no one was allowed to mentioned about him. Until now that grandma passed away did dad tell my aunties about it. For more than 50 years, no one made any prayer or offerings to him. Only when now that we make the tablet did dad decided to put his name beside my grandparents. I can't understand why grandma has never mentioned about him all these years, maybe she want to put the past and move on...... What exactly happened that caused them to totally forget about having a son.... I am sure grandpa still think of him and missed him as he ever mentioned to his god-daughter once that he used to have another son but passed away when he was young. Thats's all he mentioned and nothing more in detail. No one knew how he die or where he is buried. Dad doesn't know about it in detail too as he was very young then. I am very surprised that my grandparents kept this secret for more than 50 years. I guess I will never find any answer to the question in my heart.....

Hatred

Last saturday when I was on the way to work, I was greeted by 'Uncle Sam' on the highway. He gave me an early 'Christmas present' of 8 points off my driving license and $170 fine..... Sight... This is the first time in my 8 years of riding/driving that I got demerit points.... Not a really good way to end 2007 isn't it??

Now that both my grandparents have passed away and just when I thought things have finally settled down.... my youngest aunt is starting to fight for the money. Previously grandpa left about $100K behind when he passed away. My dad and aunties set the money for my grandma daily expense and now that she had passed away too, my youngest aunt want to have a share of the remaining money and the flat left behind by grandpa to dad. Everyone love money but for someone who live in a landed property and having a monthly income of more than $10K a month fighting for the money, I really believes that greed is not only limited to the poor. The poor want to get rich while the rich want to get richer.

When grandpa passed away, my brother, cousin and me have already decided to draw a clear line with my youngest aunt. We strongly believe she is the one who drive my grandpa to his grave... A few years ago while I was working as a hawker with dad, grandpa visited us at our stall and told us that he is going to commit suicide after seeing dad for one last time as my youngest aunt brought my then senile grandma to church to be baptised without informing him. At that time we hold on to him and promise to stop my youngest aunt from doing so. Then begining of this year, when grandpa just returned from oversea she told him that she wanted to sent grandma to old folks home immediately as she feels that she is a burden. Since the day she sent grandma to old folks home, grandpa stopped eating and fell sick. Soon after he was sent to the hospital and never get to step out of the hospital anymore..... If grandpa hasn't listened to grandma & agreed to moving in with her to help her look after her house, dog and maid, he would still be alive today...


May she have a Merry Christmas burning in hell