Turn Back time...

I just finished watching Coyote Ugly on Channel 5. I admire the girl in the movie for her determination in pursing her dream. When I was 16, I wanted to study music after my 'O' level and be a musician. I started playing the recorder when I was 11 and moved on to Saxophone when I was 13. I became a Drum Major when I was 15 and was called the Kenny G of my school. At age of 16, my dad wind down his business and declared bankrupt. My dreams were shattered and I joined the Air-force. It provides me with a scholarship in the Polytechnic and a monthly allowance to survive. I still wasn't ready to give up music at that point of time. So I chose Singapore Polytechnic at that time as I wanted to be in SP Band. But eventually I gave up as I couldn't cope with my studies and band at the same time.

I was wondering if dad didn't declare bankrupt and I went ahead to pursue my studies in Music, what would I be now?? Maybe a saxophonist, maybe a song writer or maybe just a nobody playing under some bridge. I wrote a piece of music many many years back but never had the chance to show it. Life is never a bed of roses, you never know what to expect.

I became a professional gambler when I was in poly..ok ..a cheater if it sound more appropriate. I hardly touch my salary and live on my winnings. One of my buddies would arrange some players for me and my the other partner. 9 out of 10 games we would win. I guess life is fair, you win some, you lost some. 3 of us lost the woman we loved in later part of our life at the same time. I gave up the game after E left and only plays occasionally among friends.

I won't really call it cheating though people call us cheaters. We don't keep extra cards or swopped our cards. Its more of a telepathy between us, able to communicate without words or sign language. Its a game that kills lots of brain cells. I would call it maths as it is all about statistic and of cause good memory and fast analytical skill. You gotta know the possiblities of the cards your opponents are holding through the way they play the game. Memorise some of the cards that have been played.

If I could turn back time, what would I do?? Had I made the choice to pursue Music, would life really be different?? Maybe one day I would be tired of music and turned again to ask what would I be in I went to Polytechnic and study engineering?? Life is all about choices, every little steps you take can change your life entirely.

Believe in yourself and live the life you want. Life's short but make it worth living...

CNY Gift

Tonight at Penny Black, a friend of mine came over to apologise for making me waited for hours at Boatquay the other night. I choose not to accept no matter how hard he tries, not because I am angry with him for being late that night but because I can't accept my friends for toying with other girls' feeling. I have been telling him to make up his mind and make his choice between the 2 but in vain. I know that its totally none of my business. Perhaps its because of J's past which makes me detest guys who do that. Everyone felt that I am petty for not forgiving him after his sincere apologise. I feel like a c**k stucked in the mouth. Even his girlfriend or should I say one of his girlfriends came over and started an argument with me for being unreasonable. What can I say? To tell her I am angry because he is toying with her feeling?? I felt my blood boiling and before I knew it, she gave me a punch right on my face for being unreasonable. Being a boxer and partially drunk, its my basic instinct to retalitate at that very moment I was hit. Both of us ended with a swollen cheek. I felt so sorry about it for 2 reasons, firstly for hurting her and secondly I was the one who sort of created the chance for them to know each other which makes me an accomplice in this relationship between them. I really wish to scream it out at that point of time but I didn't as I don't wanna make thing worse. What if no one choose to believe me and I am in the wrong again for sabotaging their relationship?? I wanted him to settle this himself in a way that no party will be hurt.

Perhaps I should have never poke my nose into it at the first place. Although I treated him as my brother but I can't get over myself for what he has done. Think about it, if someone does this to your sister or to someone you truly love, how would you feel too?? We are all human, what makes you have the right to do that to others??

What an evenful and unforgetable CNY. Received a big present on my cheek and losing a brother. Now I am the bad guy and he is the victim. I am unreasonable, snobish and petty while he is so pitiful. As what people always tell me, if you can't accept it, leave it. Since everyone is standing on his side, I can only choose to leave the entire clan. Well at least I can now get this off my chest knowing that his girlfriend won't be reading my blog again.

This CNY sucks......

Passion 

CNY Eve

So boring on Lunar New Year's Eve. Having a very bad hangover. I wonder how did we do it last night. 6 people manage to finish 3 bottles of Martel in less than 4 hrs.

Supposed to turn up for work today but gave up instead.... Waiting for the reunion dinner in the evening to come and Kend, Aaron and Daniel are coming over to play DaiDee tonight. We used to play almost every weekend in the past but hardly have the time to do so nowadays.

Have to start planning for this year once Lunar New Year is over. Maybe have to cut down on drinking as Miss K has been nagging for quite some time. Thinking of swtiching to another job which allows me to have more time for my own business. Hopefull can clear my credit cards and then get a bike. The passion of riding is still in me, Man and Machine.

Just bumping around the house...so bored.

Throw your butt 

A Perfect Partner

Few months a friend of mine broke off with his girlfriend of 7 years.Last night when I saw him again, I saw him with his new girlfriend or one of his girlfriends. The reason given is the combination of the 2 girls makes a perfect partner. Or even better with his ex included. I am strongly against the idea of polygamy. Perhaps because it happened to J before which makes me even more against it. I told him to make up his mind and choose one out of the two. But both girls are too good to give up either. So maybe they have done something wrong in their past lives to deserve this??I had once tried to hint to one of the girl but guess she had fallen too deep in it. I felt guilty to one of the girls as I was the one who indirectly created the chance for them to get to know. Last night when I saw him again, he still haven't decide or not going to decide. I always wanted to give him a piece of my mind but on the other hand, what rights do I have? On the surface I seems to be angry with him for making me waited for him at boatquay, but deep inside I am angry for his selfishness. Everyone wished for the best of both world but imagine the hurt you are causing on others.

What makes up a perfect partner?? There isn't any in this world. It all depend on the perception of the other party. There are jerks who live on their girlfriends/wives or even worse beat them up yet their partner will give all sort of reason on how good the jerks treat them.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?? No, love is blind!! There are some who managed to open their eyes after some time together but others just carry on with their eyes shut forever.....

会说话的哑吧

没有了香味的玫瑰花，总觉得缺少了什么
没有了对象绵绵情话，说了有一点傻
自从你离开的那一天， 我的心塌下不想再说话
所有问题不想回答， 不知不觉早已习惯对着自己说话

忘不了你溜溜的长发
忘不了你深深的牵挂
难道你感觉不到吗？
接受不到吗？
没有你的日子停止说话

听说你真的剪了长发
听说你真的忘了牵挂
剩下我一个人争扎
一个人说话
在那遥远会说话的哑吧
在对你说话

A Perfect Person

How do you define a good person and a bad person?? Let's take Robbin Hood for example, is he consider a good person?? According to the storybook or movie, he steals from the rich and give to the poor. So does it makes him a good person or a bad person?? He steal makes him a bad person but he helped the poor makes him a good person. Does the rich deserve to be stolen? Even if they gain their wealth through illegal means, they might be fillal boys at home, providing their families with comfortable life. Wonder if Robbin Hood ends up in heaven or in hell??

Where is the top??

A few years ago, a friend of mine told me this ' when I climb to the top, I hope to see you there..' We haven't been in contact for many years and I really wonder did he vaporise into thin air or is he at the top now?? Come to think of it, where is the top??

Last year when I joined this company, I told myself the same things too. I wanna fly as high as I was in the force. I worked smart and damm hard at the same time, within 10 months I became the first person in the company to ever promote within the shortest period. This year, I got the highest bonus the company offered. Am I at the top yet? I know I am not but where is the top?? The higher I climbed, the fear of falling gets bigger.I am at the point of no return. I am not God, there' a limit to what I can do.

Of cos every employer expects something even better regardless of how well you did last year. The expectation is higher as the position raise. Perhaps what I did last year was consider good being in that position but maintaining the same standard after promotion would be consider what I am expected to perform. One thing for sure I can't descend, but staying put is just as dangerous as climbing. J was my strength in both positive and negative ways last year. Be it good or bad, she indirectly pushed me to excel beyond my limits. If you are reading this J, I am very grateful to you for what I am today. I might just be a nobody in the company if it weren't for you. Whatever you do, I wish you well and friends forever.

As you started to climb, friends get less and enemies get more. Everyone is eyeing for your fall and to shred you apart when you drop into the pit. You feel lonely at times yet have to put up a brave front. You feel like you are walking on a tight rope with lions circling below. Sometimes I wish to throw in the towel and run away. But as the going gets tough, the tough gets going isn't it?? Contradicting......But again life is not all about bread and butter, its more than just that for sure though I don't know what is it yet.

Deaf using the handphone

Today as I took the bus home, I was super irritated by this guy whose hp was ringing like hell without noticing as he was listening to his MP3. I really don't understand if he is f**king stupid or just plain stupid. Anyway this is not just the only idiot around in Singapore. Okay we know you got a great ringing tone but we don't need your generosity to share the music. Unless you are God and you are very sure you know no one will call you while are are listening to your MP3, or your service has been terminated and you are just using it to look at time, please be wise enough to use the vibrator built in to alert you when your hp is ringing. It definitely benefit more people than just stuffing it up your ass. Btw all idiots out there, maybe you can try staring at the phone throughout the journey if its too complicated for you to switch to vibrator.

Another group of people I can't stand (or maybe they are the same group) are the people who don't silent their hps in the cinema. Maybe you are learning your english or chinese by reading the subtittles or maybe you have watched it a thousand times. But there are still alot of people who pay not watch but to listen too. Perhaps you are from the era where people watched in their cars parked infront of the screen. If you really are, please watch T.V mobile then as its the next closest.

........

Today I stared at an email for a long time. I read it over and over again till the words were imprint in my mind. There's so much I wanted to let the writer knows but words has lost its meaning. At times when we were misunderstood or misjudged, it feels worse than being cut by a knife. We would jump up and explained ourselves but not this time..... I don't know if letting her about it would do any changes or make things worse. Prhaps somethings are better left unsaid.....

吻

你身边是否还是那个他
取代我在你睡前吻你吗？

What the fish is happening to this world??

Recently I realised that nowadays guys seems to be getting more emotional than gals. I often heard about how guys cried over a failed relationship and how gals walked away and got into another within a short period. Isn't guys supposed to be the one who always dump the gals for another babe and the gals the one weeping over it?? What the fish is wrong with this world, who's the pussy now?? Something to do with the hormone or what??


I fell into the weak men category too in my previous relationship. I broke down and cried. Hanged on to it when she left and start another chapter of her life?? Why do we cling on and refused to move on?? You live just as well before you knew her so whats wrong without her?? Till today I can't answer this too, why did it hurt me so badly when she left?? Was I sad that she left or was I sad for her because I presumed she took the wrong steps. Am I sad over losing her or am I worried for her??

I once heard that mourning over a 'dead' relationship before moving on into another allow us time to see things more clearly. Those that hop into another within a short perod are actually in the denial state. You don't heal from the hurt if you skip the mourning part. Perhaps we are just a stepping stone for someone else but at least we are happy knowing that we played a part in bringing happiness to the ones we love one way or the other.

Lastly lets get things straight guys, you are allow to cry over it or scream your heart out but please don't be a pussy. No one like a loser or even worse, a sore loser. Let's wish them well and let them go. Like what an old song I remember ' if she return in time, i 'll know shes' mine.......

Every ending is a begining

Its been quite some time since I last played the sandbag. I used up every ounce of strenght I had punching the sandbag today. When I sat down catching my breathe, I suddenly heard J's voice telling me that if I would to punch her the way I punched on the sandbag, she would have fainted from a single hit.... Memories of her started to flow into my head.I took the car and drove to Lower Seletar Reservior looking at the sea rushing up the shore. It keep me calm feeling the wind brushing against my face and the sound of the waves.

Lunar New Year is coming, I got to know J last year around this period too... Nowadays I don't feel the excitment of Lunar New Year. I was chatting with WL a couple of night ago about it. He hated it more than I do. Had to meet up with relatives whom he don't even know and to his gf's house. All he waits for is the night to come and we will meet up for drinks. But this year, Miss K had planned everything for the 1st and 2nd of Lnar New Year, no chance for me to gamble or drink. Well.....guess will still be abe to squeeze some time out for a little drink or maybe dragged her along. Hey Miss K, if you are reading this, hope you get my meaning hee..hee... I will still roam the street or catch a movie with you on Lunar New Year but its a Chinese tradition to have a little drink on that day. So......le's not break the tradition.

Notice of Apology

The articles on AJ will be stopped and removed as from today. I would like to extend my apologies to the people affected by the articles. Sorry for not being considerate about your feeling. I am truly regretful for the disturbance caused.

Sickening day

Been having a fever and flu for 2 days. Feel so tired and dizzy the whole day at work. Today Ed told me he's feeling tired of his girlfriend's temper. I was surprise as he like this girl so much that he could even rush down from work just to buy her breakfast. It makes me wonder if feeling grows over time or die over time?? I once heard that if u love someone, you should accept who he/she is. Is that really true?? Shouldn't we changed that person for the better or should we just change him/her away?? Of course we should not make that person dress the way we like or read the books we like. But what about bad habbits or temper?? What if he is a drug addict? Should we just accept the way he is or what if she is a spendthrift?? One thing we should always remember, love is not blind open your eyes!!!

I have seen how people curse and swear at the other party when breaking up. What does that mean?? So the next time when we say 'I love you' to the other party, we should change it to 'I love you only if you love me and I will curse and swear at you if you leave.'

A few days ago as I was taking the MRT in Taipei, I overheard this girl talking to the boyfriend over the handphone. I could make out the the boyfriend wanna break off and she is asking for a reason. She keeps questioning what did she did wrong and why she deserve this? In the end, she colled down and said to her boyfriend, ' If you can return me 3 years of my time, I will agree to break off and will be very happy and not throw my temper.' I guess the boyfriend must have felt like a c**k stuck in the mouth. Is starting a relationship an investment?? Although every fund talked about the possibilities of making big money but they can't promise you anything in the future, they will say that its all based on today's market. But one golden rule about relationship and investment shares in common is when the price is dropping, don't keep pumping in more fund, cut the lost and get out of it. Same for relationship, when you are not in the person's heart anymore, walk out of it and don't do any silly things to hurt yourself.
P/s I didn't abide the golden rule too...damm it

Gathering

I received a red bomb from Aaron and Janet right after I returned from Taipei. Come to think about it, we have known each other for almost 10 years. All of us belong to the same coholt and been through Air Engineering Training Institue together. At the dinner , I met up with more of our guys. Alot were married and some even with kids. Its seem more like a reunion dinner than a wedding dinner. Some like me has left the force while others waiting for their destiny to be announced. Come to think of it, we were all teenagers when we sign our big name on the contract with the Air-force and 10 years has passed. We once been through alot together and suffered together during our days in Nee Soon camp to Polytechnic to AETI to Sembawang Airbase. Now each moved on in their own direction, like birds leaving the nest when we learn to fly.

Though we exchanged our contacts no and promised to meet out often but I wonder how many actually had the time to do so.

Bye bye Taipei

The past few days in Taipei has allow me to slow down my pace and refect on the past year. After J left, my life stood still for quite some time, then I buried myself in work till today. I was afraid to be free and start thinking about our past. I worked 7 days a week and only sleep for less than 4 hours a day.

Alot of things happened during 2005, of course the biggest event is my relationship with J following by my promotion and lastly setting up my own business. Everything is a chained reaction, I got promoted because I broke off with J and set up my own business as I wanted to prove my capability to survive outside....


At times, I would walked the street at night observing the passerby, some of the people here are from other part of the country, they moved to Taipei in search of better jobs and better lives. Some end up working in masage parlour or nightcubs.... Is the grass always greener on the other side??


Today I stayed at home the whole afternoon. I started to clean up my bedroom and kitchen. There are stuff which had been lying around for quite sometime yet unnoticed. The only time I spent at home all these while is during sleeping, other than that, I would be working or hanging out with friends. What's the difference between a house and a home?? A lot of people would rather spent time out on the street or cafe than staying at home. It seems that we had took this shelter we call home and our parents for granted....Its seems more like a hotel more than a home. Suddenly I had the urge to stay at home and appreciate every litte thing around.

Cheers to Taiwan

How many people out there in Singapore have tried Taiwan beer or liquor. Recently I had the chance of drinking in a (Gay)pub at Taipei, by the way I am definitely a straight. One unique thing about the way they serve their beer is plum is added to the beer and it comes in a small glass rather than the mug we often see in Singapore. It's a combination of sweetness and bitterness. Quite a strange taste as the brain and the taste bud doesn't seems to agree with each other.

Another thing I would like to bring to your attention is the plum liquor and the rice liquor which is also something very Taiwan. In Singapore, hardly anyone drink rice liquor, as for plum liquor....maybe the only thing we can think of is Choya. Recently I bought some plum liquor and rice liquor of different alcohol content. Tell you guys about it after I'm done with it.

Once again all drinkers out there, if you drink don't drive, make sure you finish your drinks before driving.

Yu Ren Ma Tou 

9 degree in Taipei.......boring.....

I need warmth......

The temperature today at Taipei is 7 degree. Heard that some area had already started snowing. I had began to adapt to the life in Taipei. Able to move around easily using the MRT or by foot. The people here are relatively friendly and the girls here are indeed very charming. I would say out of every 10 girls I came across, 7 are consider beauty.

There wasn't much activity today, did some market research and product sourcing. Had a simple dinner and here I am alone facing the T.V. Didn't wanna move around today, feeling kind of lazy...maybe due to the weather. My finger are freezing and numb that I am having diffculty typing too.

I thought about what Mr K said the other day regarding relationship and peple who get over within a short period and people who can't. I guess its all about the mind. People who move on doesn't mean getting over. It might be a kind of denial or escape from reality. People who stay on might just wanna make sure they recover before going into another.

Guess there will be no beer tonight, just a pot of warm coffee to kill the night.....

OMG Taiwan

The weather is turning cold in Taiwan. The temperature is dropping and news reported that it will continue to drop for the next few days. Yesterday I went to DanShui Pier, It was freezing and my lips cracked like some biscuit. I picked up the lip balm at Watsons, Miss J came into my mind........ I dropped the lip balm and walked into the old street. Wondering alone, I recalled the time we went to Watsons in Singapore......

Due to the weather, i was stucked in a cafe at night with Mr K chatting away enjoying the cigar, Villiger Premium no. 7. He told me about his failed relations with his ex and how he tried to get over for so many years yet unable to. Why is it that some people can walked out of a failed relationship and start afresh easily while others can't. What is the reason that keeps a person hanging on to the past?

As I walked back to the Hotel, I saw this girl who resembles Miss J. Does she really resembles her or is it my mind that's playing trick on me. I started to ask myself ' In this world, how many people actually have the same looks??'

Freezing Taipei

Today is my 3rd day in Taipei. The temperature today is only 9degree and all I have is a sweater. Went to Taipei 101 but due to the fog, I could hardly see a thing. You can basically see the whole of Taipei from the observatory on a fine weather day. The lift climbs from the 5th storey to to 80th storey in less than 50sec.

Wonder what the temperature would be tomorrow. The news mentioned that it would be lower than today. Maybe I will just hang around the neighbourhood or find a cafe to spend the day.

Expiry date

In another few hours, I will be on the plane to Taiwan, Taipei. I remember how my ex used to have a checklist whenever I am assigned to Indonesia or Australia in the past. She would prepare the list few days before and start buying the stuff required. Its always end up with so many items that I could hardly squeeze into my suitcase.

This time while I am packing it myself, I couldn't even fill up half the space. Except for my passport and laptop, I can't think of anything else to bring along. Maybe I don't even need a suitcase.... Guess I will just throw in a few t-shirts and and a pair of jeans.

6 months ago when I was going to Malaysia with J, I was so excited about it even thought I had been there a couple of times before. This time, I can't seems to feel the excitement growing in me. Maybe I have lost the sense of feel after all these while of working and drinking. Nothing excites me, surprises me or even spoil my day. I just go through motion day after day. Something seems to be missing from my life. Its the heart, I left it with her and she broke it the day she left.... I asked my J in the past what woud she buy me for birthday? Her answer was 'I am your present' Guess she forgot to add in the timeframe.

I suddenly realised that everything on earth had a valid date or an expiry date. As I walked into the convenience store, everything on the shelf is tagged with a expiry date. The only thing is different betwwen us human and the stuff in the convenience store is that our date are unknown but its still there. I used to asked myself this ' From the day you were born, you are destined to die. So between being alive and dead, what are we supposed to do?'

Is idling around consider wasting life or working hard consider wasting life?? Do you study hard and work hard for 40 years to prepared for the last 20 years of your life??

2006

Its finally 2006, been talking about it for quite sometime and finally here we are. Nothing special about today, back to company as usual. I wrote a list of stuff I wanna do this year and the stuff I failed to accomplished last year. Though we celebrate every new year but never know the real reason behind? To celebrate that we lived for another year, that we managed to keep our job for another year, that we didn't get into trouble with the laws......? Everyone seems to be wild during the countdown but what was the reason???

It always end up with people lying on the pavement, puking at the back alley, so got into fight and spent a night in the lockup..... Had anyone pay attention to the ugly truth behind the event??

So the countdown is over and what's next? Back to work as usual and wait for another year to countdown for some unknown reasons again.....