Who Am I??

At times I drink till I dropped, at times I cries when I am drunk....Is that really me??? Who am I in the first place?? Who am I before all these happened?? I don't have the answer.... Why am I going through this?? I haven't really talk to anyone since that fateful night...Spent my time working and drinking...I wonder when will I see myself buried 6 feet under...Maybe the day will come soon.....What happens when a person pass away and what's left behind?? Just a name I guess.... A close friend of mine commit suicide years ago, no one knew the reason till today. What was he thinking at that moment, what went through his mind at that instant he jumped??

I was once a professional gamber or should I say a conman. I had lost thousands in a night, I had won thousands in a night, There wasn't any fear...Why did I fell so badly this time when I lost?? Its been a long time but I still can't get on my feet... I tried, I did tried but in vain. Everyday I wake up living in May 2005. Today I had given up trying...I had to give up. Even my most precious belonging will be gone in no time...What can I look forward to....

I can basically feel the knife stabbed right through my heart, its very very painful. I could hardly breathe...I am tired hanging on..... I am starting to lose my senses..maybe I won't feel so bad when I can't see...