Chester

Its been quite some time since I wrote.... Starting to feel bored with my work. Seems busy everyday but performance is below my expectation. There's so many things waiting for me to do but I couldn't afford the time to do so. Maybe I really need a change of environment....

These few days I have been thinking about getting a dog again. Thinking about what dog to get and whether if I have the time for it. Planning to go down to dog farm tomorrow with Kend for a look. I will still name my dog as Chester but might not be getting the same breed. Wanting to get a Golden Retriever but cropping it in a 4-room flat seems cruel. Maybe I will just get a
sheepdog.

Sigh.. IPPT on Wednesday. Didn't put in much effort to train for it...Last 2 days to train for it.

Long Weekend

Another long weekend.... Jap lesson on Thurs was cancelled and I only knew about it when I got there. Met up with GN at Boatquay for our drinking marathon. Started with beer then followed by a bottle of Martell. Drinking with Gn is always crazy, forced to drink straight from the bottle, f*cking spicy. Not much chance to do so as he is leaving for US next month and will only be back 2 years later. Been a long time since I ever done that. Manage to finish up the bottle in less than 2 hrs and god knows how I made my way back. Anyway I am used to, since J left, been getting so wasted that I always ends up forgetting how I got home.

Surprised and disappointed that I am still alive the next morning.. Having a bad hangover, tried to do some report but wasn't able. At night Kend and I ended up in the movie theater after having nowhere to go.

Slept till evening on Saturday, Angel asked me out for drinking again but I turned down as it was raining heavily. Spent the entire day at home.

Woke up at 8am today, walked around the house and then back to sleep. When I woke up again, its 3pm. Drove my parents to town to do some shopping and had BBQ at our corridor. Practised on the sandbag till my arms were numb and my knuckles were swollen. Could hardly see my knuckles.

Thanks God, its back to work again tomorrow or I am going crazy soon. Another bottle of Martell right next to me as I am writting this blog.....

No more Mr Nice guy

Feel so tired yet I can't recall what I did for the past 1 week. Sems to be losing my memory lately. At times I would even need to take a second to recall my name. Maybe I should wear a tag with my name and address around my neck.

Nowadays email has been abuse by people so the extent that they cc to almost everyone even if they are unrelated. This morning I received an email from a guy to his engineer explaining that he was unable to accomplish the task given because the equipment was faulty and I gave the order not to replace the faulty parts after he feedback to my guy. I was so pissed off as i was informed by my guys that the equipment was okay except that the user was an idiot who did not know the correct procedure. This email was sent not only to me but to hell lots of people. Basically the hidden message in the email was to make me the scapegoat.

Perhaps if this were to happen in the past, I would just keep quiet and let the matter past. But I am no longer Mr Nice guy to let you push around and sit there quietly like a fool. I would go all out to get even with you even losing my job. So if you wanna play punk, please open your f'*cking big eyes to see who you are offending.

I am sorry to inform you that....

Haiz... What a tired day. Realised that I am not being productive lately. Spent alot of time guiding my guys and ended up not achieving much at the end of the day.

Boss leaving for Japan tomorrow, have to lead the entire group myself for the next 7 days. Hope nothing 'unexpected' will happen within this period. I really hate to interview job applicant, wonder how many will turn up this week..... The feeling of rejecting someone who come all the way here for an interview feels really bad. I been through it and I know how it feels to waiting for reply or being rejected. Undo what you don't want others to do to you??? Can I???

Fear

First time I am not working for 4 solid days. Didn't really do much but bumping around the house. Accompanied Kend to collect his brand new car in the afternoon then we got split up as we drive to my place. I was doing over 100 and going faster then I released the accelerator and slowed down. I don't know what came to my mind at that moment, all I heard was J's voice.... Shit, I know I am going crazy again.

In the evening, Kend and I settled in a cozy cafe along Upper Thomson Rd. Again we were back to the same topic... Moving on and starting over again. Kend suggest dumping everything that will remind him of his ex and starting afresh. Is that possible?? I don't know, maybe I should dump myself away too in this case. He reminded me not to ever be serious in a relationship or be prepared to end up being hurt. Alone in my room now, I think of J again. Received an email from her a few days back. Knowing that she is doing well comforts me. Perhaps all I ever want in life is for her to happy, loved and cared. Doesn't really matter if I am the one to do so or not.

That's what I hate about being free, my mind wander off to somewhere it shouldn't and I go insane. When I was working 7 days a week, I didn't have the strength or time or think about all these. I am glad tomorrow is the begining of the week, I can buried myself in work again and put everything behind.

難免有錯

曲：周治平 詞：何啟弘

本無意飄泊　
卻擱淺在妳似有似無的眼中
繁華落盡奈何不了什麼　
卻總是欲走還留
紅塵　曾被誰挽留　
又怎麼能瀟灑不帶一點心痛
冷風吹過原在殘夢已久　
只是我無法擺脫已無從寄託
是與非　愛與恨　留或走　全都難免有錯
多少人　多少情　都路過已經不能強求
回頭看我臉上的落寞
又是誰讓我染上寂寞
有多深　有多濃　有多真　全都難免有錯
該放棄　該傷心　都難以選擇何去何從
一身憔悴已無話可說　
情緒飄零又如何
終究還是不能眠不能說