An answered prayer??

Last night I wrote in my blog 'Where are you J?'. Now right at this moment, she appear in my MSN. Is this an answered prayer?? I really don't know..... All I can say is 'Hi' and nothing more. I've been waiting to talk to her, so much to tell her. About my achievement, about my ups and downs of life but I am lost for words. What should I say at this moment I have been waiting for for more than a year. I saw the picture of her and and bf. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my heart. I could hardly breathe, it feel worst than dying. Memories of the past flashed through my head at this instant.

Dear God, please do me a favour and take me away. Please don't let me wake up again tomorrow morning. Every night I hope its my last night but you forsake me again and again. Why let me be a living dead man going through all this??? You gave me everything in life in return of J. Did you ever ask me if that was what I wanted?? Turn back the time I beg of you. Take back everything you gave me for the past one year. Take a good look at me... What am I now without her??? Have pity on me and put me 6 feet under. Why did you let me have the chance to contact with her again today??? What was your motve?? To let me make a fool of myself again? To give me false hope to live on???

At this very moment, I have fully understood. J would never come back no matter how long I struggle waiting. What a fool I was to have faith in you that I have to stay on for the day to come. What are you trying to tell me by doing this today?? I am going to destroy everything you gave me including myself right before your eyes.