Still Alive

Woke up in the evening today, feel so disappointed and lost of direction.... Supposed to go back to company today as I promised my boss but was really not in the mood to work. Its gonna be Monday tomorrow.. sigh.... I must not let my mood affect my work, no matter how I am feeling, I am still be responsible to my company, my boss and all my assistants. A few days ago, I just reprimanded my assistant for bringing her personal emotion to work. Come to think of it, we are all human.... Still remember when I first broke off with J, I was very down too but I use it as a strength. I worked real hard and eventually got to where I am today. Why can't I turned it into my strength again this time and aim for a higher position??? Perhaps during that period, I still have friends helping me to get over and supported me at work. But now all I have is myself at work. Why cant my assistants be understanding about my difficulties at time?? Most of my assistants were chosen by myself but in the end, why is there a big gap between us??? I wanted to be with them like friends too, but I can't. If I were to be too friendly with my assistants, I can't get things done fast and my boss would feel that I can't lead them. They just don't understand this....

Recently I have been hanging out with Ken and keith most of the time. Perhaps what we have in common is we all done pretty well in our career but failed in relationship. Ken broke off with his gf 3 years ago and went to US to mend his heart for 2 years, Keith is now going through divorce and me... buried myself in work holding on to a false hope.