....

For the first time, I gave up without putting on any fight for the reason I am living for.. Maybe I have no confident at all of changing anything, maybe I don't know if its right for me to do so disrupting the peace and happy live you are enjoying now.... You were never in the wrong, you told me you would give me a chance and you did. I took up the chance but I lost it still.... I have no one to blame... I am letting go of the only motivation I have been living for for the past 18months.

Have I changed or have you not understand me well in the past?? I really can't answer you that. What was I in the past?? I was confident, sensible, responsible, calm and have plans for the future?? What am I now?? I am emotionally unstable, I feel lost, I have no fighting spirit, I am useless overall I am as good as dead.

I don't know what happened to me today... I overturned everything in the room, tear up all the notes on the table, the moment I got home. Surpringly the laptop still works.... I suddenly feel lost of direction... where am I heading, what should I do next... felt very depressed... I am scare... I don't know what to look forward to. I don't know why am I working, what do I want to achieve, I can't feel anything, I just wish to run away from everything.. I don't even know what I am waiting, what I am hoping... Just wanna escape from the real world.....