Uncover the mystery

Finally I get the answer for what I have been thinking all night long till morning. It was an unintentional call from J. I should have guessed it, perhaps for the rest of my life I will never get to hear from her at all.... She is leading a wonderful life now and preparing for her marriage, what is there for me to hope for??? All I can hope is for her to be loved and to wake up with a smile everyday. I will just be her guiding star hiding in the corner of the dark sky...

I sat at my void deck puffing away the entire pack of cigarette thinking of the days we had together... Its been so long but why do I still remember every single detail we been through... Never in this life would I forget the good times we had at SL. She would always stand at the bar counter watching me playing pool and told me that she would marry me immediately if I win the game... I stared at the cup of water I placed beside my bed every night, why do I wait for someone that will never turn up....

I look tough on the outside but I am really breaking down... To my assistants, I look arrogant, confident and aggressive but the truth fact is I am giving up on everything. Physically and mentally I feel its changing drastically. Feel weak easily and starts to get very emotional... I still struggle to perform at my best not for promotion or anything but I feel that its stil my responsible to complete this project. This afternoon at the new site, I noticed bloodstain when I coughed and almost fainted in the toilet... Hope my time is up soon, I can really close my eyes and forget about everything.