Dizzy day

Accompanied Ken & Keith to JB last night for a little drink but end up drinking till 3am. Feel so tired this morning, was supposed to go back to company but wasn't able to make it. Just received a call from Ken that they are going to JB again tonight for the countdown and now on the way down to pick me.... I guess JB has become their second home.

Met up with GX for coffee just now, he rode his 600cc bike down and wanted me to go for a test ride. But I told him I have no more feeling for bike.... Is that really the case??? Has my passion for bike really faded away or is it the fear that's stopping me??? Perhaps I really stopped riding for too long. Bike used to be my life, no matter how serious I hurt myself in the accident, I could start riding the moment I removed my cast or bandage. I believe I have to start riding again or I will really lose the courage to ride in future... If I lost it, I won't have the courage to accomplish anything in future.

To the hell with Christmas

Its Christmas and here I am alone.... Couple of hours ago, I was dressed up and ready to go partying then I received an Christmas greeting from her... Cancelled my outing and stayed at home trying to get myself drunk with Merlot. Countless time I had told myself to walk out of it but did I??? There she is starting a new life in someone else arms while I am still right here waiting like a fool.... Am I drunk yet or am I still sober??? My eyes were flooded with tears, yes I cried... for a long time, I hid my feeling that even I though I got over....

Sorry J, I still love you....

Truth Fact of Human

The primary reason human work is for money, follow by interest or for some who are lucky to pass time. I start to have this thought, human are just like machine. Each of us makes up a part of a production line or a product. The difference is the production time is long and the yield is low. It takes 10 months to produce a baby and at times due to miscarriage or abortion, zero yield is achieved. Of course there are some people who only carries out mechanical test or dry run with nothing being produced as in protected sex.

After the hardware is assembled as in we are born into this world, we are put through alot of test by the QC inspector whom we call doctors. Then we are put to school to input software and programmes. Along the way, some are rejected or downgraded as class B or C products by going through Polytechnic or ITE with limited software or put into use with only basic Operating system. After we graduate and start working, we get to upgrade our software version or new software installed by going through what we call seminar or crash course.

Once we reached a certain age, our OS become obsolete and not compatible for new software, then we are put aside and wait to be scrapped... That's life...

Getaway

Finally after months of hard work, the east plant is having its opening ceremony tomorrow. Though there are still bits and pieces left to be done but overall I can proudly declare Test Equipment Group fully operational. Looking back the days when there was nothing but partitions. Slowly one after another, the equipments started to come in and there were always unexpected problems during set-up. How my guys and I used to worked for 16hrs a day throughout the week and under pressure from everyone around us. Now that everything has stablized and system set-up, perhaps its time for me to go in peace...

How I wish to spend some time in peace without having to think about equipment status, looking through datas or worry about my guys getting into trouble. I stared into the map thinking of a place where I can find back myself and start all over again. For 2 years, I never live a single day for myself but for work and for someone who will never return. Really wish to spend some time away from Singapore, away from everyone I know. To a place where I won't be reminded of anyone or any memories....

Stress=Pressure??

Am I under too much stress?? All I know is I do feel the pressure of my work but not to the extent of being stress. Pressure makes diamond, isn't that what people always say?? I always like my work as it is very challenging, at times to the extent that I would forget everything including time. When I am stuck with some problems, I always feel very energetic. I might be going on for days without sleep but I don't feel tired at all. Everytime I solve it, I would look at J's photo hoping that she would be proud of me. I really wish to share the joy with her but I know its impossible....

I treat all my EAs as my little brothers and sisters, hoping to teach them as much as I could. But I guess my workload doesn't allow me to have the time to be patient with them or any space for them to make mistakes. Maybe its due to my past in Airforce, I always expect them to be discipline and professional. Not allowing anything personal to affect work. I stil remembered one of my EAs who had left once told me. Don't expect everyone to be like me, they are human and their emotions are affected by things that evolve around their lives. I guess in another word, I am not human...

Workaholic??

First day at work after a long break and its another 17 hours of work.... sigh.... do I only get to rest the day I die?? Its beyond tired... I don't know how to describe it... Numb I guess, so tired that I can't feel a thing anymore....

Did 2 things last weekend which I am not sure if I would regret. Firstly I bought a Honda Civic 1.8 and secondly I didn't go for my JLPT4. Well I guess that's life.. Everything happen for a reason, just hope it's for a good one...

Counting down...

2 more days to JLPT4, feeling real sick today. I really wish to bang my head against the wall. Really feel like giving up... Had 4 cans of redbull and a slab of panadol but still having a very bad headache... I really don't think I can pass the test. I always feel I am capable of everything I set my mind to do but this time I really can't do it. No matter how hard I study, it just won't get into my mind.

Promised CT I will take the test but I believe I will still flunk the test badly. Today is the first day I quit smoking, the temptation to smoke is very great but since I already stopped for more than 12 hours, I should press on. I am sure I can do it.... if I still survive...

Ah Guan called me today to meet up for coffee with WL but I declined. Not because I am still angry with WL but it just feel strange as we hadn't been talking for a long time after that incident and I don't wanna be in places that I would smoke like sitting at coffeeshop. Hey WL, I promise I will call you out for coffee once I am sure I quit smoking entirely. Like you say, we are brothers and you are also my mum's godson. No matter what happens, we are brothers forever. Since when do I really get angry with you over anything.