Honda FD

After 2 months of long wait, I finally got my car today... Went driving around in the evening and end up at lower seletar reservior. I stared at the sea and J's face just came to my mind.... It will be 2 years in another month. Perhaps its really time to let go for real.....

Been really busy for the past few weeks. 21 days of work without a rest till last sunday where I finally get to rot at home..... Back to my FD, right now have to endure till I hit 1000km before I can test the top speed of my Honda FD. She is like my princess, with the Mugen kit fitted, she is the main attention on the road. She has the class yet wild. Right now she is warming up getting ready for speed.

Church Mouse

This is one of the worst period of my life... All the bad things seems to come together... I had been sick since early this week, I reached the bottle-neck of my career and worst of all, for the first time in my life, I am left with 30 buck to get by for the rest of the month... Since I started working, never before in my life was I so broke... Can't believe that I am earning more than 4k a month and now I end up in this state.

I have been looking at the same report for 2 days yet not being able to write a single thing. Talked to my boss about it hoping to get some help from him but all he said to me was to take some time to do long term planning and he is sure I am able to come out with something. Sigh... Its as good as not getting any help..... Tomorrow and sunday is my last chance of coming up with something for Monday's MBO. But even if I managed to get by this month, what about next month or the month after next...... Perhaps I should start to see a bigger picture to come up with some long term goals and objectives for my group or I should start looking for another job. I feel that I am really not suitable to be in the management. I still prefer being an engineer assistant doing more technical stuff... Everyone looks forward to promotion and pay rise but the price to pay for is defintely high. Higher post and pay comes with higher resposibilities and workload.

I did my sum well before buying my car, until now I still cannot figure out what went wrong. After settling my balance a few days back, I realised that I am left with nothing but 30 buck. Till now, I still don't know where did all the money went to.... Only enough for a cup of coffee everyday and nothing more....

Sick Cat

Fever, headache, flu, sorethroat, cough.. all came together this week. I felt like a sick cat today.... so weak and dizzy... Have to struggle till next Monday before I can take a day off to rest. Can't believe that its only Wednesday today..... I wonder how long will it take for me to recover this time.. Its been more than a year since I last took medical leave. I hardly fell sick or rather I hardly admit I am sick but whenever I am sick, its always very serious and takes very long to recover.....

Though I make sure I get off on time these few days to rest at home but its also these few days where I feel very lonely. It seems like I have only myself in this world... Maybe I am not just physically weak but also mentally weak. Gets very emotional when I am sick....

月半小夜曲

仍然倚在失眠夜望天边星宿
仍然听见小提琴如泣似诉再挑逗
为何只剩一弯月留在我的天空
这晚以后音讯隔绝
人如天上的明月是不可拥有
情如曲过只遗留无可挽救再分别
为何只是失望填密我的空虚
这晚夜没有吻别
仍在说永久想不到是借口
从未意会要分手
但我的心每分每刻仍然被她占有
她似这月儿仍然是不开口
提琴独奏独奏着明月半倚深秋
我的牵挂我的渴望直至以后

14th Jan'07

Its been months since I last had any contact with J... Everytime I writes a mail to her, I delete without the courage to send. No matter how much I still love her or miss her, I had to let go... She is getting married this year, happiness is right in front of her and who am I to stand in her way?? Maybe CT is right, we loved someone but we had to move on....

These few weeks I have been out partying with Ken and Kieth at JB every weekend. I thought that I really enjoy but the truth is I am just escaping from reality. I have even lost my passion in work. It used to be able to keep me occupied and make me forget everything including time but now my heart is never at work. Been looking through my resignation letter a few times today. I moved the cursor to the 'print' icon wondering if I should print it and pass to my boss tomorrow.... I feel very sorry to leave as he had given me so much and it seems very selfish for me to leave at this point of time when he needed me. To be honest, with a diploma it is almost impossible to get another job of this position and this salary but I guess at times money is not everything.

Finally my car has reached the port, will be able to collect after a week or two after fitting the body kit and some accessories. I should be feeling very excited about it but I don't feel a thing at all. Perhaps she isn't around.... My first passenger??? Well got to be CT I guess, she is the one whom encourage me to buy Honda Civic 1.8 and also the one whom told me to choose white. Though we had only known each other for a short period and hardly in contact but maybe wehave a lot in common or rather in the same shit we seems to be able to click well.

One boy One girl

For the first time I heard someone saying that I am cute. I always feel like a little boy being with her though I am actually older than her. I wonder what got into me last week when we were at her apartment. We stood at the balcony without a word.... For a very long time, we keep silent then I turned to her and said we should make a move as Ken and Keith are waiting in DeBieres. She looked at me and moved very close to me, so close that I could feel her breath. 'Such a good boy?' What was that suppose to be?? Under normal circumstance, something should happen that night but it didn't. Even I couldn't explain why... Maybe there was someone else still living in my heart and I didn't want to hurt such a nice girl like her.

As we joined the group in DeBieres, Karen started to crack jokes about us and soon everyone joined in. No one seems to believe that nothing actually happened up there.....Dammit...

地狱里的天使

她让我无法相信这世界还有这么单纯善良的人
她就像是活在地狱里的天使
傻乎乎的站在人群中

她对身旁的魔鬼一点戒心都没有 对每个人都非常诚恳
觉得这个世界没有坏人
让我不经为她担心 很想保护她
但我知道我不能无时无刻守在她生边
莫非真得让她受到伤害才能学会保护自己
才能了解防人之心不可无的道理吗？

我忘了曾经何时 我也用心对待身边每一个人
是她太天真 还是我们对人失去了信任
是社会改变了我们 还是我们改变了这个社会。。。。

Happy New Year 2007

Returned from JB at 4am this morning and spent the entire day sleeping. Feel so awake now... sigh... Received another greeting from her last night.. just as before, I choose not to reply. I guess its just a mass sms to everyone in her phone list. Perhaps I was lucky that when I received it, I was already at JB with my buddies. All I wanna say again is ' If you can't make my life better, don't make it worse.' Perhaps CT is right about her comment ' I love you but I had to move on...'

I guess soon JB will become my second home too. Last night while we were on our way back, Ken was already making plans for our next trip。 These 2 days we have been going to the same pub or rather pubs as they are actually 2 pubs side by side under the same management. I personally feel that one big difference about the pub there as compared to the ones I been to in Singapore is their service. The waiters look more professional and defintely more polite. Well the only bad point perhaps is the sercurity in the carpark. You have to really lock your car well and yet can't be garanteed it would be there when you are back. In Singapore, there are also some pubs which are as grand but the staffs really sucks. Perhaps they had forgotten that no matter how grand their pubs are, you are only a waiter or waitress there. So stop being snobbish.... We are paying alot more yet we are not getting the service that we deserve.