A tribute to my grandfather

Its been 2 weeks since my grandfather passed away but he is always on my mind till now. I remember his face so clearly and even dreamt of him.....

Being a traditional Teochew man or rather a man of tough character, he had never once asked for help from anyone or trouble anyone. Since I was a kid, he is the only person in the family whom I truly respect from the bottom of my heart. I still remember the days when we moved in to stay with my grandparent when dad declared bankrupt. Every night when my grandfather comes home from work, he would have his dinner, follow by shower and then to bed after a stick of cigarette. Although he seldom speak, but I know that he care alot for dad and us. Even during our family gathering, he would spent his time in the kitchen preparing food for everyone of us.

After he retired, he spent most of his time between Singapore and our temple in Thailand. Along the way he had made many friends, most of them a generation younger than him. Wherever he goes, he is welcome by everyone. I really regret for not spending time accompanying him to our temple in Thailand...

When I left the force and decide to be a hawker with dad, he supported us by providing us with the capital. He even came down to visit us almost everyday despite the long bus journey...

Even during his death, he did not want to trouble anyone. We stayed by his bed on Monday night till 3am and he was doing fine so all of us left for home for a rest. At 7.22am, he left us... If he were to passed away before we left, we would not have the chance to have a rest as we would be busy preparing his funeral and it happened on a Tuesday morning so that the funeral will end on Saturday allowing us to rest on Sunday before returning to work. He left a sum of money behind which allow us to have a grand funeral for him and at the same time enough for my grandmother to last for quite some time. His only last wish was for everyone of us to spent at least twice a month having dinner with my grandmother. Even that was taken care of by him as he still has a flat which was rented out. So the money collected from the rent was used for the dinner.

He had never bear to spend on himself but generous to his children and grandchildren. Grandpa... I really wish to tell you that I love you and miss you deeply..... Sorry for not spending enough time with you, for not having the chance to understand you.....

On Monday morning 7.22am, my grandfather left us.... Maybe its a relief for him but defintely a loss to us. Being the head of the family for more than 50 years, he had always been fair and considerate. Everyone in the family respected him... I am sure he left with no regrets....

Numb...

I wonder if being a workaholic makes me numb to all feelings or am I numb to all feelings which makes me a workaholic. Grandpa has been at the border of life and death for more than a week. Everytime I visit him at the hospital, I see more and more tubes connected. My aunties and my dad are at the hospital everyday round the clock. His kidney failed, his liver infected, his main arteries are blocked and black spots suspected to be cancer cells are found in his lungs. The doctor says there is nothing more that can be done, right now its only his will-power that is keeping him alive. No matter how we talked to him, he is still unconsicious. Last sunday, he finally opened his eyes but wasn't able to move. We brought grandma to se him at the hospital and I saw tears in his eye. I guess she is the main reason that is keeping him alive but grandma doesn't seems to recognise him as she is slowly losing her memory. At times she can recall things that happen years ago but at time she behave like a kid. Grandma had been in and out of hospital for the past few years and everyone thought that she would leave before grandpa but now it seems to be the other way. If grandma had passd away long before him, he would have given up long ago. Not long after seeing grandma, he was unconscious again. Everyone was by his bed crying while I stood there without any feelings. Not that I don't feel for him but when I see him in this condition, I feel that its better for him to end the sufferings. This evening I received a call from my brother informing me that grandma was also admitted to the hospital. Grandpa staying at 6th floor while grandma in 8th floor. Is this what true love is all about? I always feel that the people of the older generation are not romantic but actually their love was far beyond the sweet talks....

While I was driving along PIE, I saw the biggest and brightest moon I had ever seen. It was so close that I thought its gong to drop and crush on me. It look at least 5 times bigger than the usual moon. I wonder if somewhere at the other part of Singapore, are you looking at the moon just like me...