Cross-Junction

Life is all about choice, it can be as small as deciding on what to wear, eat, drink ..... it can also be deciding on which school to study, what course to take...... follow by where to work, what to work.....

I have always been lucky at work, since my days in the air-force till now in this company.... I am always appreciated and recognised for my hard work. Especially now.... for a diploma holder to hold an engineer position in this company within less than 2 years was almost impossible but I did it. Being able to draw 4-5k a month, I can consider to be living quite a comfortable life but this just doesn't seem to be what I want. I used to dreamt of owning a business, maybe not a billionaire but at least a millionaire. I told myself in the past that I would never accept being an employer for the rest of my life... Recently I started hunting for job again, I don't know the reason for finding another job too. Basically none of the jobs I applied offer me higher salary than my current but still I applied without knowing why..... Maybe I can't find any job satisfaction nowadays...

A few days ago, my vendor whom happened to know that I am planning to leave offered me a job. He invested in a company 2 years back and now he is planning to expand this company. Frankly speaking, if it were to be service engineer or application engineer position, I would accept it without thinking as he has always been my idol. He was born poor but now a multi-millionaire, in his 30 years of business life, he almost went bankrupt a few times but still he managed to pick up time and time again. He wanted me to work in his company as a sales person. I have never had any sales experience in my life, since my first job, it has always been very technical. I remember when I was 13, I tried to do door-to-door selling of greeting cards and I end up selling not even one.....

No matter how good a company account department is, how good the production department is, how good the HR department is, it all depends on the company sales department to determine the compnay growth. I understand about this all along but never had the courage to take the first step to go into sales all this while. This is a step where there is no turning back if I were to take..... If I failed, I can never return to my current job or even find a job that match my current salary... but if I don't do it, I might regret in future..... Damn it.... I am really lost now........ Maybe I have been so comfortable that I lost the courage to make changes in life, just like a warrior who has lost the courage to pick up the sword and fight after living in peace and comfort for years.....

Nowhere

Recently as I browse through the job classified online, I noticed that there are alot of jobs out there which are suitable for me but what I am lacking is the 'paper'. I have to admit its very difficult for me to move on to non-executive position after where I am now. I have all the experience required but don't have the education level required.... Haiz......

What do I call my situation? I am somewhere between heaven & earth... Heaven & Earth?? Mm... sound so familiar..... Do I really have to go back to school at this age?? I don't think I can afford the time to do so though I really don't mind if I am sponsored.

In the first place why am I looking for a job? Am I not happy with the salary, the job scope or the environment?? I can't answer this too, maybe its because I can't find any sense of achievement anymore.... I still take pride in my job but the drive level is low nowadays....

Today I talked to one of my guys about finding the motivation to work other than just about bonus. I guess I could understand his thinking as I gone through that too. I felt that I worked very hard or at least equally hard as compared to other engineers but in the end I was not promoted. At that time, I felt very disappointed & was even unhappy with some of the engineers who were promoted but then I changed my perception, I told myself that people do recognise & appreciate my work but its impossible for everyone to be top so why should I be angry when others get it, at least I am not at the bottom? I started to find other motivation which keeps me going and I felt alot better. The situation didn't change, the environment didn't change, what changed was my thinking which changed my mood. I guess most of the time, we are very much affected by our perception than by the truth.....

Starting fresh

This afternoon as I was resting in the office, I started to think of the days when I was an engineering assistant... How time files... Its been 3 years since I first stepped into this company.. from a nobody to somebody... at least it shows that hard work do pay off. I wonder if I have the strength to do it all over again if I were to start off fresh again somewhere....

I just sent out an application for the post of senior equipment engineer but wasn't really comfortable with it. So many 'what if' in my head.... Am I really up to the job? What if I find that I am not suitable, there will be no turning back.... I can't get back my current job for sure.... I am not sure if I am doing the right thing or not... anyway just wait to see if there is any reply before worrying. Maybe I might not even get a reply for an interview.

Come to think of it, I should have applied for engineer instead of senior engineer... at least not that stress.... oh shit... I applied for senior engineer but I only indicate 3k for my basic... haiz... so stupid.... hope they will offer me a higher pay for that post.....

Welcome 2008

After getting 2 day of rest, I am back to work again. What to look forward to in 2008? Better job opportunity, promotion and better pay. Hope I can see 5k or above in my payslip after this year annual increment heehee....

The bonus has been split into 3 part... sian.... got my first part in Aug, then second part in Dec and third part coming in Feb. Why can't they just give me all together.... By splitting up the bonus, I spent it without knowing. If I see 10 over thousand coming in together, then I will defintely save a portion of it...... but now only can depend on the Feb bonus to save up some....

OMG... road tax and insurance due by end of this month.. there goes my last part of bonus....