窗外

点了支不想抽的烟思念像眼圈飘散在床边
泡了杯没糖的咖啡我擦了香水会不会飘到你面前
天空上的云仿佛像你的心情捉摸不定
回想你扮鬼脸的表情 难以忘记

爱离窗外越来越远
下着大雨那一夜
你哭红双眼 并没有不对
我才发现我无力挽回
爱离窗外越来越远
已过了多久时间
你(我)哭红双眼 并没有不对
我才发现这早已是从前

我想拉上窗帘我想闭上双眼
只是我不想看到窗外过去的情节
都是我不对你没有不对

Tired

I have to admit I am really very tired physically and mentally. Today I took a short rest at my desk and fell asleep. I dreamt of J and skyline.... When I woke up, I took out a photo of J which I have been carrying with me all these while. I read the little notes she wrote on the back of the photo. It say ' Hope it will bring a smile to you whenever you see this pic....' Indeed I smiled after reading and moved on with my work..

He who preaches does what he preached

Today I heard a short discussion about pain on the radio. We feel pain when we lost something or someone but the fact is there is no physical wound on our body so where does the pain came from?

According to the speaker, we feel the pain because we dare not face it & most importantly not willing to let go. Being not willing to face reality keeps us in denial state. We refuse to accept what had happened and let go of it to move on. Being in pain is in fact not a bad thing. Most of us remember a sad and touching movie rather than a comedy. If you have never been in great pain & suffering all your life, its not a complete life. Not being able to accept will cause the pain to stay with you forever. Maybe you can run away from it and get on with your life but few months down the road when you recalled the past, you will feel sad again. The only way to move on is to accept what had happened and live with it.

Perhaps I have said the thing too to my friends when they lost their spouses or girlfriend but what about myself? Its been more than a year but I haven't move on. Not that I don't know the way to do so but I refuse to. So why is it so? I can choose to move on but I didn't... Maybe it a once in a lifetime chance for me. I know that the chance is slim but if I hanged on, there is still a one in a millionth chance. If I don't, I might live to regret when on my dying breathe.

A few weeks back, J asked me why am I still willing to help her despite what she did to me. My answer was... Because you are you....

Beauty Vs Knowledge

Recently my company is having a mass recruitment. Every department is employing so is mine. I chatted with a manager over lunch this afternoon & we discussed about the people we interviewed. I noticed that he employed quite a few girls so out of curiosity, I asked him if they were better in result as compared to guys. His reason was the girls were beautiful. Anyway in term of knowledge, all of them are fresh graduate so might as well get a beautiful girl and even if she doesn't have the capability can be a vase too.

I start to wonder, is it a good thing if u were employed because of your looks? I mean look, there is a motive for the boss to employ you. Maybe hoping to get fresh with you or something even to the extent of sexual harrassment. Of course it defintely not your fault that you are beautiful but does it really helps in your career or will it actually be causing some disturbance along the way.

So conclusion, its still the guys' fault that there are so many problems with beautiful girls working. Most bosses will make use of his authority to get some advantages I guess. Maybe thats the reason why I still employ guys, at least they are able to take my verbal abuse haha....

Girls fall for jerks (part 2)

Alright, this time I am sure girls do get attracted to jerks. Went drinking with my friend just now. Saw how he talked to his girl, all the sweet talks.... Then once he hang up the phone, he told me about how he wanna make the girl suffer for two timing. He even went to the extreme of trying to get the girl pregnant but maybe due to weak sperm or something, his plan didn't work.

I start to think of J and her boyfriend.... What's on his mind and how is he treating her?? I really can't make myself understand why would girls fall for all these rubbish.... Fuck.....

Are girls attracted to jerks??

Is it an spoken truth that all girls fall for jerks?? Not long ago, a friend of mine got involved with a girl who has a boyfriend of almost 3years. He slept at her place when her boyfriend is not around and even make his relation with the girl known to her boyfriend. The ironic part is after the girl knew that her boyfriend knew about it, she actually quarrel with her boyfriend instead of questioning the guy for exposing their relation. I had to admit this friend of mine is nothing good. Never stay to a job long, drug addict and a gambler. He actually post photos of him and the girl on friendster and even had the guts to invite the girl's boyfriend to add him as a friend. However the girl wasn't angry with him as he came up with some lame excuse that he just wanted to be friend with her boyfriend and the girl actually believe he had no other intention.

Oh my god the poor chap whose girlfriend had been sleeping with some other guy end up being in the wrong. Out of curiosity, I asked the guy how did he do it. He told me that all he did was some sweet talking. Are all girls prone to sweet talk or shall I say are jerks good at it??

Of course no girls in the world would admit that the guy they fall for is a jerk. They can come up with thousands of excuses for themselves or for their boyfriends that he is different from the rest, he is actually not as bad as people thing, he is willing to change just for me........ Kiss my ass I would say.

The sky is falling

Its been a stressful week. I really feel like tendering at times. The pressure is sometimes too great for me that I could hardly take it. I feel sandwiched between my subordinates and my superior.

I went for a haircut today or rather, I shaved my head today. J used to tell me not to cut my hair too short or it would make me look like a boy. I dunno what got into me today, I told the barber to shave it off..... I could feel the wind blowing against my skin. Since J sms the a few days back, I have been dreaming about her almost every night. I have a bad feeling but I dunno how to describe. Something bad seems to be about to happen but I dunno what.

Baby Shower

Last evening, I attended an old friend's baby shower. At the party, I met up with some of my ex polymates cum colleagues. Some of us haven't met for more than 3 years, everyone has changed in a way or another. A few of them were even married with kids and some divorced. We had a great chat over beer and wine. Perhaps I was the only few who were still single at this stage in life. They told me not to set my criteria too high or else I might have to be single forever. I didn't say a word but just smiled. I had never set any criteria but its just that there is someone living in my heart already. A promise for life, a promise I will live to.

Left office at 4pm today, felt very tired and sleepy. I fell asleep not long after I reached home. It's been quite sometime since I am able to sleep so peacefully. Without any dreams or nightmare, feel so refresh now. Ready to revise my Japanese lesson now....